Epic Fail

Argghh blabber blooobleeeeepaaahrrrhquaakakaka!

Oh I don't know.

I feel like I was tested yesterday night by the big G and I failed the test by all accounts but my reasoning for why I could possibly not have failed is that it doesn't really matter because there are no consequences for any evidence of my epic fail is not going to be around for long and because I don't feel upset or hurt or anything like that. I am quite happy with the situation. Obviously, not happy that i feel I've just probably been disobedient to God and I'm not valuing myself enough and stuff. i don't know.... it's just because I feel like a few days ago I was all- yeah I'm ready to go for God. i'm ready to go for God. I've got my head screwed on. I'm ready I'm ready I'm ready. i guess this is God's way of saying um no you're not. I think most of it is to do with recognising my worth in God. Even though I've been brought to a place where I know God loves me and I want to please him, it is becoming evidently clear to me that I still don't know my worth in God and how much He values me. I believe God tests us, but I also believe that God already knows what the outcome of his tests will be, so God knew that I would epically fail, but what I have planned for evil, God has planned for good and so I know I can learn from this and I know I can come out the other side.

In all truthfulness, it isn't nearly as huge and epic fail as some of the other idiotic-wet-fish-in-the-face-worthy things I have done, but it's still repeating mistakes I thought I'd gotten over. And in all truth, I still don't right now feel it is a huge 'mistake' but I recognise that it wasn't God's intention for this to happen, but right now I don't see how I'm going to get hurt in this situation. Just when i see how I'm not all WOOP WOOP YEAH YEAH as I liked to think i am, it feels like a huge huge huge step back, but God's plans are at work in my life so it will be OK with the grace of God and with me being open to what he has to say. It's all just a bit stupid.

Yeah.... Umm... right.