Aftermath

I know in a previous post that I said I wasn't feeling anything, but since he died I've been crying a lot. His funeral was today, but beforehand everyone was trying to decide who did what and where and when. I felt like everyone was assuming I was going to say something as I'm the public speaker of the family. So I set about finding a poem to either read out or give me inspiration. I was looking through some Edgar Allen Poe and Oscar Wilde, because they are two poets I like, but nothing was really suitable. Then a friend of mine sent me this poem:

Ascension

And if I go,
while you're still here...
Know that I live on,
vibrating to a different measure
--behind a thin veil you cannot see through.
You will not see me,
so you must have faith.
I wait for the time when we can soar together again,
--both aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to its fullest.
And when you need me,
Just whisper my name in your heart,
...I will be there.

Ascension copyright ©1987, Colleen Corah Hitchcock


He sent me the poem under the condition that I wouldn't cry and I thought it was a bit rubbish until the last line when I just burst into tears for about an hour. I didn't want to tell my Mum because I didn't want to upset her, so i called up a different friend and just cried down the phone for twenty minutes.

The funeral I really hoped would give me closure so I could just get back to my life, but even though it was a lovely service, but non-religious because my Grandpa was not a religious man, I didn't feel it gave me the closure.

I cried a lot when the coffin was being brought in, but as there was no definite end to it (no curtain being shut or anything) it just sort of dwindled out whilst the song Monty Python's Always Look on the Bright Side of Life was playing. My uncle did most of the talking and he was very good at speaking stories from everyone and paying to respect to my Grandpa.

I think he would have liked it. I think it honoured him well. Everyone in the family who could come came.

I did read out a poem in the end. I will post it in a seperate one.

Grandpa, wherever you are, I miss you and I love you.
x
Nastassia